I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love having hate sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
