3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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