Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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