Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
