Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
