Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
