My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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