I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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