He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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