i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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