Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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