Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
