Yo dont text me then not text me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sorry my hands just texted you
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
