Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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