saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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