Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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