Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
