Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
