her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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