when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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