Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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