She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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