i love accidental penises.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
