We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
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there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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