I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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