Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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