she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
BRING THE BAGELS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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