I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
