how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Randomize
