...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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