no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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