You really coming over, don't trick.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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