made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
