if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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