That's intense
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
do nipples grow back?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
