Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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