just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
