the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
