I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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