I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
