I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
