when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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