I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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