I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
