I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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