I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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