It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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