Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
