Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
