So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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