I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
