It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize