dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
