I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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