i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
