Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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