He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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