I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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