Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
