Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
