Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
