I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
