I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
