I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
