That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
