he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
