smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
