what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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