I just made out with a guy for $7.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i think i have two assholes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
