I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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