Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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